Crawlers...

Been ever so scarce lately, huh?

The boys are doing beautiful. They are crawling, and standing. Sitting on their own. Pulling up on the furniture, and are just very busy little fellas. They went to their 6mth.(gestational age) developmental appointment on thursday, and they are not even a tad tiny bit behind. They are actually above average, at this point! They are doing some things they shouldn't even be doing until they would be around 10mths. (gestational)
They just started waving hello, and even have 2 teeth now! lol.
They really are growing up way to fast!
Let's see... Davon is about 15lbs. now and Dorrall is about 14. We will know exacts this week when they go for their synagis.
As for me... I've been rather busy too. I mean besides the obvious. I'm working part time and going to school nights... nervous though. I just paid for my certification test, and really honestly don't know if i'll be able to find work when it's all said and done...
Economy, eh.
But after Feb. 7th. (God willing) I will be a certified professional medical coder.
Now if only I could figure out what to get the boys for Christmas... then we would be great! lol.
Any suggestions?? Now off to do some homework...
 

OoOOo and here a few pics. of the boys!

 

 

 

             Dorrall
 

Davon and Dorrall

Davon

Dorrall

Dorrall and Davon

Dorrall again...

Happenings

Yesterday was my daughters 7th birthday.
I can't believe it... I am far too young to have a 7 year old.
Well I feel like I am anyway... Obviously I'm not too young, because I do in fact have one.
We threw her a party, against my better judgement. I just thought no one would come, and her special day would be ruined.
A lot of people showed up. It was really nice, and she really enjoyed it. I am happy we did it now.
What ever is meant to be will be.
I guess going with your 1st instints isn't always the best thing to do.
She went to a haunted house, and to spend the night with my sister afterwards.
She is getting so grown-up.
Soon, I won't be the favorite person in her life any more. That age is coming to end. Makes me sad.
But just like my mother did... It's something I'm just going to have to live through.
I love her so much.

The boys are starting to crawl now. Kind of. They scoot, and are all over the place. I am so proud of them. They have come such a long way.
Developmentally, they are right up to par with their peers.
And they got approved for the Synagis shots. Didn't think that they would...
On account of the fact that they never needed oxygen, and they are right on the edge for gestational age at birth. I *think* the cut off is 32 weeks, and under 6 mths. old.
They were born at 30 weeks 4/7 days, and will be 7 mths. at the start of RSV season.
Which apparently begins in November here.
I'm glad they are getting it.
1-2% of children that contract it die from it...


I also got a job.
At a grocery store.
:o|
As a cashier.
:o|
Not that I'm "too good"... but I think I am over qualified.
But the thing is... I intentionally applied there, and really wanted the job.
I just want a little part time thing...
So here I am.
:o)
They hired me on the spot. Made me feel good. lol.
I need to go study.

Stressed out...

I'm so overwhelmed right now...
I'm not going to go into detail about finances, but I guess that is what it all boils down too, finances.
Daddy is stressed and grouchy, and driving me up a wall...
And no, I'm not working, looking yes, working no.
But in my defense, schoool and two little men and a nearly 7 year old is work enough.
Besides, I'm still primarily nursing the boys, and I don't want them in daycare yet.
Excuses, right??
Truth is I'm just not ready.
I'm not ready to let them be out of my sight for that long...
The NICU was hard on me in that way.
Now I'm just utterly terrified, and almost convinced that they will be taken away.
They are still preemies in fact. Doesn't that mean that have a higher chance of infantile death??
Scary. Terrifying.
I wouldn't be able to live if I lost one of my children.
I've lost a baby... extremly early on. I mourned those loses, and I'm okay with them now, but some how... that is just completely different.
Totally different.
I know that once I finish this class... I have to work. I know that. But can't I just have a few more months enjoying the boys??
They are only so tiny once after all.
I need a job.
Maybe I will be more pro-active about finding a little part-time one?
I've already decided to work 7 days a week any way... in addition to a day job, I plan on doing something on the week end also.
I have some previous bills I need to pay off, and we need to save some moolah...
Having a house by the age of 25 is not an option.
It's like kind of mandatory in my "life goals" check list. Lol.
So I better get cracking! lol. Seriously.
I'm going to find a job. I am wicked stressed... stressing hubby out. :o|
There really aren't many jobs here though...
Maybe we will move??
Maybe I can "work the pole", lol.
But no one really wants to see my c-section scar. lol.
This is suppose to be serious.
Okay.
The economy is terrible right now, and there are so not very many jobs... hopefully I find something. Part-time.

No time, no time, no time...

Things have been so very hectic lately. The boys got sick for the first time... they were so miserable, and it just completely broke my heart. They are much better now, thank God, but it was worrisome, none the less. School is going good, I suppose. Days are long, hours are short... As the term gets closer and closer to being over, I'm beginning to dread the fact that I will actually be going back to work full-time. I will miss my babies, I know... but we want a house, and things... things... And unlike the more privelaged, we must work and support ourselves. We need 2 incomes. Atleast I got a year with my little men. A year to enjoy them... I know, i'm still going to see them, der! but for 40hrs. a week I will be working, instead of spending time with them. *Sigh* I shall miss them. As of now Daddy will work nights, I'll drop them at the sitter for 4hrs. so he can rest, and he will have them 'till I make it home. Maybe he will have them full-time, not sure yet. I take the CPC in March, God willing, and I guess we will decide then. Any who. The daughter will be 7 on the 24th. Things are so tight right now, so I can't afford to do much really. I'm going to take her to get her nails painted, probably... She loves that. Then her and the cousin to "Build-a-bear"... Should be fun... Her 5th birthday that is where we took her. 6th was "Libby-Lou's"... but I despise Libby! lol. The daughter is so unbelieveably girly though. I love her. Makes me reconsider rather adding to the family or not. We have dicussed in detail... trying when the boys are around 3, but I don't know how much I really want another. Time shall tell, eh. The little men are so very busy now-a-days. They are amazing. They act like they are 6mths. as oppose to their adjusted 4mths. What can I say?? I breed excellence! They are rolling all over the place, and eating off the spoon, like old pro's! They only eat once a day though, i'm still primarily nursing them. Last weight check Baby boy B was 15 freaking pounds! and Baby boy A was close behind! So proud of my little guys. Mommy's milk is fattening them up quite nicely! They are almost sitting on their own, and scoot all over. They are super smiley all the time too. Soon they will be crawling, and have teeth... I'm so not ready! lol. But it comes with growing up, eh? I need to add some pictures... just still hesitant, don't know what wierdo is on here! lol. Maybe I will figure out how to get them where they can't be stolen...

6 mths. later

The boys became 6 mths. old the 25th. They went to the Dr. and got shots, and we got the "Go ahead", to introduce solids, finally. So, for a treat, and a reward I guess... They got pears. Davon did beautifully, while Dorrall wasn't all that interested. I always think of the 33 days they spent in the NICU, and Thank God. With each passing milestone, I think back to the agony, and helplessness I felt having to leave them there. 33 short days. At the time, it felt like forever. They were so teeny and helpless. I knew full well that the nurses would take excellent care of our boys, but as their mother... Well who really can take better care of your babies than yourself ? I was so certain, I would never bring them home. That after all we had been through, they would in fact succumb to some terrible NICU staph infection of some sort... Alas. 33 short days, and they made it home. Any who. The stats. For their 6mth. check up. "Baby B" weighed in at 12lbs. 15oz. And "Baby A" weighed in at 12lbs. 10oz. They started out at 1445 grams and 1275... They gained beautifully, on nothing but Mommy's milk. I'm quite pleased, and they measured in at 23in. The both of them. Up from 15.5 and 16. My big boogers! Hmm... Maybe one day soon... I will introduce them to you?

All those years ago

I look at my son's and can't get over how very much I love them. I remember all those years ago, as a 15 year old baby myself, looking into BréElle's bright, full brown eyes and feeling the exact same way. Like I could look into those eyes forever, and finally, finally, there was someone to love me 100% without a doubt. BréElle was 6yrs. 5mths. and 1 day old when my body failed me and pushed out not quite ready boys out into this world. Six years old. I never really intended to wait so long... but really I'm not sure what my intentions were either. I've always wanted to be a mother, I know that. From the time I was a little bitty girl. But then again, the first few years of BréElle's existence were so tough, sometimes I questioned rather or not I was meant to be any one's parent at all. All I had then of course, was more love than my little body could handle, and I poured it all into her. I loved her, truly madly, passionately, because that's all I really knew for sure how to do. Nearly 7yrs. later, and I have, in my honest opinion, one of the happiest most loving little girls you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. She is amazeing. Who knows where my world would have been with out her. Back then though, while I was trying to find myself, grow up, and raise a daughter also, I never even dreamed I would have the devine, great pleasure, of having any more babies. Little people they are. What with their huge personalities, and power to change all... why would you think of them as anything else? I longed for a baby, honestly, for quite some time. I never thought I would be given this again though. A life, To mend, and to mold. All those years ago, when I thought everything was so tough, I forgot how all this feels. Holding my son's in my arms. Their sweet warm touch. The gentle tug of their tounge as they nurse from my breast. The cooing they make as I sing and caress their face. That sweet, smooth smell when they exhale, so new and fresh. I forgot how beautiful this all is. How blessed I am to have them at all. My daughter, and two son's. How easy it is to forget.

I wish I could have twins...

People don't understand the whole process, I assume. Of carrying twins that is, or they don't think things out before they speak either. I love my boys, immensely, but I never once wished before, nor during my pregnancy to carry such a weight. Daily, for the 30weeks 4/7 days that my body allowed me the pleasure, I prayed just to let my son's be born alive. My son's are identical. Paternal twins have slightly better odds of a healthy, happy outcome. Statistically identical twins do not. Identical, African American, boy twins have even greater chances of not making it. I prayed for 7.5mths just to meet my son's once. At 7wks. in to our pregnancy, I hemorrhaged for the first time. My placenta was growing faster than my tiny body could handle, and separated from the wall of my uterus. I could have lost my son's then, after only knowing for a week they were even there. At 12wks. I hemorrhaged a second time, and was put on bed rest the remainder of my pregnancy. At 22wks. I went into pre-term labor for the first time, and again at 27wks. At 27wks. I received a 1week vacation at in the maternity ward, to receive steroids for the boy's lungs.

30wks our son's were welcomed with great fear, anticipation and bewilderment, on my behalf. We were blessed, they did beautifully in the NICU and came home, together 33days later. The day after my birthday.

I will post their "Birth Story" one day...

It's quite fuzzy in my head, after only 5mths. Bad mommy, I know.

We were extremely fortunate that our boys were Monochorionic Diamniotic, which simply put, means they had a membrane between them and couldn't strangle one another.

We were blessed that they never developed twin to twin transfusion.

That I never suffered the many things that can develop with even a singleton pregnancy. Carrying twins raises your chances of those life threatening conditions, you know.

No, in all my wildest dreams, I never thought for a second I would become the mother of two at once.

My entire pregnancy, I faced the very real realization that this time I could very well lose two babies as opposed to one. Not that losing one would hurt any less. I could go on with the statistics for days, but if your one of those women that think for a second you want a twin pregnancy ( or triplet or more) you better do some research.

I hear how lucky I am, so many times over.

Blessed, yes I am, very.

But, luck has nothing to do with it.

I prayed for 30wks.

Quite honestly, it disgusts me to hear someone say, "I wish I could have twins," or to ask... how to conceive twins. To try to argue the fact that they deserve to have twins, like it's some right. If you want that kind of heartache, so be it.

The odds aren't in your favor. We were made to have one at a time. One.

I know, and have seen the out come first hand, the grief of losing a child brings. The pain losing two brings.

Why would you purposely risk that?

I love my sons, but I went through my pregnancy day by day praying just to know them for one second outside my womb.

I thank God that they are here, and as healthy as they are.

All I had to go through for them to be here, I wouldn't trade them for a thing in this world, but at the same time, I wouldn't wish... a multiple pregnancy on any one.

No matter how blessed I am, I'm still only one story. Only one outcome.

No matter how "lucky" you think I am.

And this blog is for!?

I'm starting this just to keep who ever is interested up to date with us and the boys.

Also, to give me something to do on the rare occasion that they are napping, and I can find nothing better to do. I guess I will use this as a place to go and vent, of sorts. To relax and have some much needed "me" time. When of course the time is alotted!