Stressed out...

I'm so overwhelmed right now...
I'm not going to go into detail about finances, but I guess that is what it all boils down too, finances.
Daddy is stressed and grouchy, and driving me up a wall...
And no, I'm not working, looking yes, working no.
But in my defense, schoool and two little men and a nearly 7 year old is work enough.
Besides, I'm still primarily nursing the boys, and I don't want them in daycare yet.
Excuses, right??
Truth is I'm just not ready.
I'm not ready to let them be out of my sight for that long...
The NICU was hard on me in that way.
Now I'm just utterly terrified, and almost convinced that they will be taken away.
They are still preemies in fact. Doesn't that mean that have a higher chance of infantile death??
Scary. Terrifying.
I wouldn't be able to live if I lost one of my children.
I've lost a baby... extremly early on. I mourned those loses, and I'm okay with them now, but some how... that is just completely different.
Totally different.
I know that once I finish this class... I have to work. I know that. But can't I just have a few more months enjoying the boys??
They are only so tiny once after all.
I need a job.
Maybe I will be more pro-active about finding a little part-time one?
I've already decided to work 7 days a week any way... in addition to a day job, I plan on doing something on the week end also.
I have some previous bills I need to pay off, and we need to save some moolah...
Having a house by the age of 25 is not an option.
It's like kind of mandatory in my "life goals" check list. Lol.
So I better get cracking! lol. Seriously.
I'm going to find a job. I am wicked stressed... stressing hubby out. :o|
There really aren't many jobs here though...
Maybe we will move??
Maybe I can "work the pole", lol.
But no one really wants to see my c-section scar. lol.
This is suppose to be serious.
Okay.
The economy is terrible right now, and there are so not very many jobs... hopefully I find something. Part-time.